Two months and counting

I hate to leave something hanging, like my little bloggy here. I'm nowhere near done with this journey. I'm still eating about 90-95% "paleo." For any newbies to that way of thinking, it is basically meat + veggies with a little fruit thrown in. There are different interpretations of it. I have added in a little dairy (usually just some real dairy coffee creamer and some cheese here and there). About once a week, I'll have some rice or corn chips. That may change at some point, but for now that's what I can live with. I'm not militant about soy consumption, but don't use any at home. However, if there's some in my chicken at Qdoba, I'm not freaking out about it. I'm eating a salad instead of cheese-laden nachos, so it's got to be better.

Winner, winner chicken dinner
I have lost a total of about 11.5 pounds since the beginning of Sept., but even without that, I generally feel much better. Sometime in the past two weeks or so (can't nail down exactly), I have realized that the pain in my hands is gone. They are a little stiff when I wake up, but I don't have pain or any shooting pains throughout the day!!! That is huge. I was to the point of hurting just trying to wash my hair in the shower.

Real-world obstacles
My struggles really seem to be when I want a quick lunch out because I'm running errands. I'm used to eating in the car on my way to/from somewhere, and it's really difficult to eat a salad while driving! I always have to be thinking ahead to bring leftovers, or if there aren't any to pull together a salad option. I still crave french fries. I've had them about once in the past month. They are good. I cannot tell a lie. I have a little dark chocolate from time to time. The good thing about high-cocoa dark chocolate is that you don't really WANT to eat a lot of it. Potlucks and social gatherings are also tricky. It may be that I BYOB (banana) or eat before I go.

I had a Papa John's pizza last week. My first real pizza in over two months. Pizza is the reason I put off doing any of this for so long. I thought a life without pizza was no life at all. Turns out I was wrong. First of all, the pizza I ordered was not the pizza I got. BOOOOO! And second, I felt all heavy and crappy and acid-reflux-y all night. I just feel better when I eat veggies and lean meat.

Surprises
I ate brussel sprouts and cauliflower as my side dishes last night, which made up half my plate. Jerod really likes the way those taste. I admit they weren't as bad as I thought they might be. Don't go calling me a raging fan or anything, but we can put them in the rotation.

So that's where I am two months out. When I have a bad eating day, I go back toward the whole 30 way, with very little sugar, dairy, etc. for a few days to reset. I've pretty much banned gluten, though I'm planning to eat dressing on Thanksgiving. It's just easier for me to make a hard rule and follow it. Gluten seems a good place to land.

Thanks for cheering me on!

Reintroduction--Fast Food

Except, that wasn't on the plan! True confessions, here. I really have so little desire to reintroduce legumes. I am thinking I'll do another whole 30 challenge in January to reset after the holidays. Perhaps I'll "reintroduce" legumes at that time. I don't care for most beans. Black beans are about my only bean-consumption beyond soy and peanuts. There are so many other options for peanuts out there, that I really don't need those. Soy is inevitable in some ways. Maybe not at home, but try finding a grilled chicken out there in restaurant-land that doesn't have soy. About impossible. So, if I have a legume or soy issue, it will have to wait to be found out. I don't use soy at home, and try to avoid it as much as possible, but again, we have to live life too. Soy happens.

About that fast food. Yes, yesterday I went through a drive thru. I got a hamburger and french fries. It's been well over forty days. There are no excuses. I'd love to say it tasted horrible and made me feel like crap. Except that wouldn't really be true. I had planned to eat the burger without the bun, at least. But as the slippery slope often happens, I ate the glutenous bun as well. I'd love to say I felt itchy and sluggish, but I didn't really. Though, I know that that is not good fuel. So, no more fast food for a lonnnnnggggg while. I just can't say forever. But for the foreseeable future, unless it is a salad without extra "junk" on it, we'll just steer the car home for lunch.

Which brings me to an obstacle that I'm not sure I can fix. I am just a bad cook. I'm not great at planning the meals. I scour pinterest (filthy liar) and blogs and cookbooks. I pin "the world's greatest chicken!" and make it, and...meh. I think Husband makes the world's greatest chicken, frankly. It's just that by the time we get home, he preps the chicken and makes it and we sit and eat, Little Guy has tried to clean out all the fruit and chex mix because he has a hollow leg to fill and it's all of 7 o'clock and time for bath, etc. So, I have tried to prep stuff the night before. But I cannot deal with raw chicken unless it's with tongs and baggies. There is no trimming it. So, I can make beef ok, if I work around touching it. Pot roast is probably the only thing I generally do well. I killed some meatloafs this week. Like terrible. Like, that beef was sad it became meatloaf. The chicken last night was edible, but definitely NOT the "world's best." I am good at following directions, I watch cooking shows to see what kinds of spices and seasonings go with what...I just don't have the knack. And it's incredibly frustrating. So, when there's nothing prepared or easily accessible, I really just want to eat something fast and easy. I need to look into how to make that happen. Protein is the obstacle here. Protein and a cooking gene that missed a generation.

Corn, Other Grains, etc.-Reintroduction "days"

This reintroduction was not as successful. In my effort to live a somewhat normal life, I often find myself in social settings with food. IMAGINE! Sunday was supposed to be my official reintro of these foods. I went ahead and had some corn tortilla chips Sat. night at family taco night. I also might have had two handfuls of potato chips. They are my Sirens. Dang you, potato chips. I had to physically remove myself from the room.

I wasn't much hungry on Sunday, so I noshed on whole foods, but didn't really feel like prepping a big meal...then found myself at a pot luck that evening. Once again, I had some corn tortilla chips. Everything else I ate was pretty compliant, as I was fortunate that there was lots of salad and some chicken salad. It's just not feasible to eliminate ALL vegetable oils from life. Most people are not going to make their own mayonnaise for their pot-luck chicken salad.
Finally, Monday, I had some corn chips with my taco salad for lunch and some yellow rice at dinner. Not sure if there's any reaction. Again, I think it's true that foods like rice, corn, pasta, bread, etc. tend to push veggies off the plate. Those are what I WANT. It's for that reason I need to limit or eliminate them. That becomes all I want because of the high-carby-ness (food without brakes). For overall health, I should probably avoid starches/grains about 90-95% of the time.


Impressions on "day 40":
I had hoped that doing the Whole 30 would help me tame my compulsive eating. I think that it has helped me to look at food somewhat differently. I like the way I feel with no/little sugar. But none of that knowledge seems to be enough to make me NEVER want sugar or no-no-foods again. I can see life without bread and pasta and rice...I'm just going to roll with meat and veggies as my M.O. and take curveballs best I can. Something about a social buffet that is a challenge for me. Everyone else seems to be enjoying their food without a mental storm calculating vegetable oil content, sugar, etc. And I get that "it's just not fair!!!" voice in my head. No, it's not. But lots of people deal with far worse issues in life.

I would like to think I could do Whole 30 every day. But I think I would become like a sheltered teenager let loose on the world...and at some point go crazy. Right now, my mindset is to find the BEST food I can in any given situation, whether I end up at a fast food joint, a potluck dinner, or just staring into my fridge. Start with salad/veggies. Add in some meat. Have some fruit. A handful of nuts. Then I should be satiated.

I find that life on the other side of a whole 30 food challenge is still a challenge.  :)

Gluten Reintroduction Day

Yesterday was a day I had been dreaming about. Sweet, perfect gluten. I am a breadaholic. Truly. Jesus said something about our not living by bread alone. And if I didn't believe in Him so much, I'd almost think he was lying. 'Cause bread and butter together=kingdom of heaven.

Reintroduction includes the food at each meal. I went whole-hog, not necessarily whole-grain. I started with a chocolate croissant and a top of the day muffin (with some eggs and strawberries). I couldn't decide between the two. Top of the day muffin has some semblance of healthy with whole wheat, raisins, carrots, dates, etc. But chocolate croissant...well, it inspires me to write haiku. Fo' realz.

I bought some crusty bread and some vegetable soup for lunch. One of the whole 30/paleo "things" is that proponents maintain that eating grains often pushes vegetables off your plate. Yes. It's true. One I heated up some slices of European crusty bread and spread them with sweet, creamy butter, I couldn't have cared less about that dang soup. More bread, please.

About that time of the day, I noticed sharp, stabby pains in my hands. They are usually sore & stiff in the morning, but get better and better all day. I had done NOTHING to cause pain (lifting, squeezing, etc.) and had even been at my keyboard less than usual. My stomach was fine, but I was definitely experiencing some soreness and pain that was unusual.

I decided to have gluten-gluttony (GLUTTONY!) for the rest of the dang day, as by this point it was fairly obvious that this bread-lover is relegated to a fairly gluten-free life. We made real spaghetti and the rest of the crusty bread for dinner with salad. Then I topped it off with two chocolate chip cookies later. I had forgotten how much I love chocolate chip cookies.

Now, writing this on Friday morning, I have woken up today with my right hand puffy. I mean, not crazy-puffy, but I can tell. I was, however, able to get into pants today that haven't fit since before Shepard was born. My perfect bread is not worth pain and bloat and an expanding waistline. I now join the ranks of the gluten-free. Thankfully, they are making products that help with that, provided I don't have corn and rice issues. We'll intro those fully on Sunday-ish. I hate, hate, hate to be that "special" girl with more food issues. I'd rather just eat whatever. But, I think I need to give this a full-on year or so and see what happens with my body. I think I already know that answer. Sigh. Who wants to sponsor my order of coconut flour?

Dairy Day--Reintroduction Day 1

Day 31 is finally here! And I got to have some dairy. I had some natural bliss creamer in my coffee. Hallelujah!

Yes and Amen.

My wee omelet with spinach and CHEDDAR!

I had some sharp cheddar slices for breakfast. Yes I did. And it was glorious. I sprinkled a little shredded cheese on my grilled chicken salad for lunch. Did not need that. Just didn't add at all.

But what to have for dinner!? Something cheesy, please. I toyed with squash casserole, but opted to try a cauliflower-crust pizza. I had never tried it, but have seen lots of versions while tooling around the internet. Here's the one I settled on.

I did forget to COOK the cauliflower after I riced it. OOPS. So I cooked the crust longer than was called for until it looked like THIS:

Promising cheesy-cauliflower-ness

All of this doing took an hour and a half. Partly because I have a tiny food chopper instead of a real food processor (hello, Santa?). Poor Little Guy kept coming in the kitchen hunting for food. Here's the finished product. Looked GREAT. Ingredients are all natural/organic, etc. I even hid some spinach beneath the sauce.

Isn't it pretty!?

So...the verdict? I'll give it one more try and try some different techniques (like cooking the cauli!).  It wasn't very crisp, even though it looked like it might be. I don't love the flavor of cauliflower so much, and it seemed strong to me. Husband wasn't really a big fan either. And he LOVES cauliflower. I'd rather splurge every now and again on a gluten-free pizza from Fuel Pizza or find one at EarthFare. Little Guy didn't really fall for it, either. I enjoyed watching his face as he worked his way from the pepperoni down to the crust (yes, he eats it in that direction), and the confusion he had when the crust was different.

As far as dairy effects. I didn't have a straight glass of milk. Just some cheddar, some high-cocoa-content chocolate, the parmesan and mozzarella in the pizza and creamer. The only thing that felt a little off was after the pizza. Like there was a small balloon in my tummy. Nothing violent or monumental. So, I think I can probably keep a little dairy going forward. I will be keeping coffee creamer. And I think hard cheeses will be generally ok. I wanted some feta yesterday, but didn't have any on-hand.

Now I eat "clean" again for two days. On Thursday I get to have some gluten. That's supposedly the kicker for a lot of people.

Progress:
Husband reports that my pregnancy-induced snoring (that never went away) has subsided significantly, so some kind of inflammation must be going down. Also, I've lost 10 pounds, so that's definitely a plus. Just can't be adding back in TOO much cheese after all this. I'm sure I could put back on those pounds with a solid few days of cheese.

AND...PLEASE READ IF YOU PLAN TO MAKE THIS CRUST RECIPE!!!!!
Most cauliflower crust recipes call for you to squeeze the water out with a clean tea towel after you chop or cook. WASH THAT THING IMMEDIATELY. We thought there was either a rotten potato or a propane leak in the laundry room because I left it in the washer overnight (I didn't want to leave wet clothes in overnight and planned to wash Tuesday morning). That was some stinky stuff!

How I did it. An overview.

I spent a solid week researching and ramping up for this. And probably 3 months talking myself into it in bits and pieces. When I first came upon the idea of the Whole 30, I knew it would be good for me. But I really, truly from the bottom of my heart did not think I could do even three days, forget 30.

First, I read a LOT of the whole 9 website. Everything you'd need to know is on there. A printable shopping list, lots of manifestos about why you're NOT eating certain foods, if you want to know that. I did purchase the book, so I'd have a full understanding of what I was doing, but found that most of the information is available on the internet on various websites.

Throughout the process, if I came to a wall or had a question, just a thorough google search would give me several answers to compare from both real people, the whole 30 forum, and other "paleo" bloggers. I have been keeping a pinterest board to help us transition our foods to more whole foods and to do way less (if any?) processed foods (even some treats). All of this transitioning will take some time. I'm trying to wean the shortest one in the house off goldfish crackers. Plus, if goldfish crackers are in my possession, I basically eat the whole bag. Health food might look different to everyone. I'm going to give this system a solid try, and see if it will work for us.

Getting started: The stock-up

We're fortunate to have an EarthFare food store very close-by. Otherwise, maybe a Healthy Home market, Trader Joes, Home Economist or other good health food grocery store would probably work.

General:
Almond flour (not to make cookies or anything, but occasional "breading" of chicken, pot roast, etc.
Also bought tapioca flour and coconut flour to use on occasion.
Good eggs--go ahead and get two dozen if you plan on eating them for breakfast and making some things like mayo and coconut creamer for coffee. And get the good, free-range omega-3 ones while you're at it. Regular grocery stores have these and often put them on sale.
CANNED Coconut Milk: get it from the Asian section. Get the full-fat kind. No sugar. I used at least 5-6 cans in 30 days.

Produce:
I stocked up on vegetables that were (A) on sale or (B) I knew I already really liked. It's important for the first few days to make food you already like and not try to go out on limbs. It actually may be important for the whole 30 days. It was for me. My go-to veggies are: green beans, broccoli, zucchini, squash, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, raw spinach leaves and romaine/mix salads, peppers, asparagus and tomatoes. Best fruits for me are banana, apple, grapes, mandarin oranges (in juice, not syrup), strawberries, & plums. I like a few other fruits, but those are the ones I would grab.

Oils:
very important to have the "right" fats on-hand. I bought coconut oil, some extra-light olive oil (good for making mayo or anything else where you don't want or need the olive taste). I already had EVOO at home. If I could have found Ghee (clarified butter), I would have gotten it on the first run. GET THE GHEE. It should be in the same grocery neighborhood as these other items. Ghee saved me when I needed a little buttery flavor or I didn't want my food to have the coconut-oil flavor as much. You can also make your own clarified butter, but by the time you buy really good butter to do that with, you may as well get it ready-made.


Salads:
1.  Just make your own dressing. Find a sugar-free recipe or make a standard vinaigrette without sugar or sweetener.
2.  My favorite is a recipe I made before all of this. I omitted the sugar. The sugar does it make it the best salad dressing on the planet, however.

1/2 c. olive oil

1/2 c. apple cider vinegar

1/2 c. sugar or splenda (not on Whole 30)---I am going to try this now with a dash of honey

1 tsp. paprika

1 tsp. salt

2-3 cloves of garlic, minced or chopped
*1 tsp. worchestershire (forgot this when I initially posted)

Mix together and pour into a container (I use finished olive oil bottles) and shake well. 

Store UNREFRIGERATED for up to two weeks.

3. My favorite salad base was raw spinach. Felt like real veggies with nutrients versus some lettuces that are not as nutritive. I added a little apple, strawberry or a small amount of dried berries to help with the bitter flavors. If you liked raw veggies more than I do (hardly at all), this is a great place to add in some carrots, broccoli, cucumber, etc.

Treats:
Doing a whole 30 really isn't about treats. When I wanted to "splurge," or was hungry on the go, I found that Larabars worked for me. The blueberry, cashew cookie, & banana bread were the best. (Read ingredients...they aren't ALL compliant.) If I started to get hungry, and it wasn't meal-time, I would have a small snack of almonds or pistachios and a little bit of fruit. One day I cooked some apple slices in ghee and sprinkled them with cinnamon. They honestly would have tasted better fresh and crisp.

Eating out:
It's sooo much easier just to eat at home. We went to a sushi/Japanese place for a friend's get-together at one point, and I just ate before I went. There was really going to be nothing there that would work. I was very dedicated to having the closest guideline-following experience I could. The only times I felt that I had "cheated" in any way was trying to eat out. It's just hard to know what those folks are cooking in back there. I ate salads out and brought my own dressing. I carried an apple in with me, so I could cut it up in my salad. I asked for no cheese, no croutons, whatever I needed to. I looked up allergen information at Qdoba and Chick-fil-A, as they have to list soy, gluten, and dairy. Panera just says that any of their food might come in contact with an allergen. Thanks, Panera. Way to go. Chain restaurants are at least good about having nutritional information on their websites. But if you have to get some grilled chicken and a salad out, you just need to. I say, it's radically easier to eat at home or pack some stuff if you ever have the chance. I did eat at a Mexican restaurant on day 30 and got fajitas with no tortillas, rice or beans. Just meat, veggies, lettuce, pico and guacamole. It was awesome.

Favorites:
Spaghetti, pot roast, fajitas, steak, grilled chicken...I just ate them without their gluten or rice friends while husband and short guy ate them with. That helped life feel a little normal.

Days 26 - 30

Sorry. I did NOT fall off the wagon. Just had a few days at home when I wasn't able to get a post up, then days 28-29-30 were out of town.

I won't list everything I've eaten for the past five days...I will share a few challenges. It's pretty easy to keep this up at home. With the addition of a handful of convenience foods like sliced turkey, fruit and nuts and Larabars, I feel pretty confident a decent version of this is a good longer-term solution. Going out of town posed its own issues. My first meal out of town was Friday lunch at a restaurant. Almost nothing on the menu would be 100% compliant, but I opted for a chicken salad on green salad with my own dressing. Probably the mayo was made from soybean oil, but that was it. It was really, really good. It was hard to sit at a table with 10 other people, who ordered all manner of incredibly yummy looking foods. I think everyone at the table had something different, and it felt very sad to be relegated to four salads on the menu. That's just honesty.

I was fortunate to be a conference center for the remainder of the weekend, and had called ahead to work out "Shelley's diet" plates with them. It mostly consisted of their salad bar, and they'd bring me some really plain chicken breasts with a veggie cooked in olive oil. Friday night I had a sweet potato, so that was awesome. Again, it was difficult on Saturday night when they served fried okra. FRIED. OKRA. Maybe my favorite version of any vegetable. This morning, they had biscuits and gravy. I really don't eat that very often, but that would be my very favorite breakfast. I had to end well, though. Couldn't go blazing out on day 30, right?

My only area of non-compliance has been the occasional "something" in my coffee. I had no way to refrigerate my coconut creamer concoction, so I had a packet of sugar each day in my coffee. Bite me. I needed a cup o' joe. And I can't drink it black.

Impressions on Day 30:

I did it!! And it wasn't nearly the hardest thing I've done. Parenting is much harder! Meal planning will always be my nemesis, but at least I've been able to look into a new category of menus and meals. I don't have crazy cravings, and the fact that I've been able to turn down foods for 30 days that I wouldn't have thought twice about eating before is monumental for me. Saturday night, there was a bonfire with s'mores. And not just any s'mores, like Ghiradelli and nutella and caramel s'mores. And giant marshmallows...and my dinner had been crappy...and I was REALLY hungry, and there were just s'mores everywhere. The smell! I nearly had to curl up and rock myself.

I'd be lying if I said this experience wasn't a little isolating. Our society does somewhat revolve around shared meals and foods. I enjoy talking about why I'm doing all this, but in a group setting, sometimes I just wanted to eat what I wanted to eat and not be all special.

Tomorrow I get to have DAIRY. My block of cheddar (not that I'm eating it all) is ready, as is my natural cream/milk/sugar coffee creamer. I'm pretty sure that unless my intestines just explode that I will still want some sort of creamer. I'm stoked about dairy day. I am supposed to otherwise eat "clean." Just add dairy to my entire day. Will have to watch sugar, as I don't want that to creep back in.

DAY 30!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day Twenty-Five

Twenty-five days is a long time. In the past, I've tried to cut out dairy only to make it to lunchtime. So, I'm pretty impressed with myself. I think I like hard and fast rules versus "doing better." I need quantification. I'm thinking a lot about what life looks like next week and the week after. How to incorporate what I've learned into beyond-whole-30-life. I am a really good justifier, so I will still have to have some pretty hard/fast rules. And I will need to find some sort of replacement for tortillas and pizza crust. Fortuntely, lots of really good cooks have lots of blogs with recipes, so I've been collecting these over at my pinterest page.

Ate:

• spinach + eggs; grapes=breakfast is exciting! (waaa waaa) Breakfast makes me want to hit people.
• Leftover baked chicken tenders + green salad with mandarins and almonds
• Cashews
• Husband pulled through with random assortment of dinner items and made a kickin' vegetable soup. We didn't have many of the traditional veggie soup veggies, but it was still yummy and chock full o' goodness. He still laments his usual additions of Worchestershire and Sriracha sauces (sugar), and doesn't feel like he's doing his best work without them. I think those are things I can add back after whole 30. The size of the serving there is minimal.

Impressions:

I think I'm not experiencing the magical deep sleep because I'm already a pretty magical deep-sleeper. I have no trouble going to sleep and staying asleep on any given night. (provided I'm not awakened by a critter) I have been known to sleep through tornado-spawning storms, trees falling, people yelling, etc. I can report that I wake up better. I don't feel so sluggish and downright dead immediately. Some of the results and symptoms people describe on a Whole 30 program have not really happened to me. Some folks describe a "carb flu" when your body reacts to not having carbs on about day 4 and you feel kind of sick and flu-ish. I think my body has been very happy overall. I even found a few minutes to do some pilates exercises last night. Little guy was playing superhero, so I was doing my "superhero exercises." He seemed somewhat unconvinced, but I told him it was making me stronger and periodically joined him in saving the world from the evil queen at the museum. Hard to say if depression is at bay or not. I continue to take my medication for now. It keeps me even. That might be something to look into down the road. Joint pain is still present. Have some things I will tinker with on a dietary level in a few weeks. Though I think it also takes more than just 25 days to really detox 25 years of less-than-optimal food choices. Keeping at it. I'm tired of listing my medicine cabinet whenever I have to tell a doc what I'm on! Some folks report no asthma symptoms either. Wouldn't that be awesome!?

Day Twenty-Four (Monday)

Today is my last Monday. Well, my last Monday on Whole 30. Though, I kind of am seeing myself doing some version of this long-term. My inflammation hasn't quieted down, which is sad. I was hoping to see a tangible result in that arena. There is information to support a few other foods as inflammatory, such as eggs and nightshades (more on nightshades here). But for the sake of finishing, I am going to explore those in about two weeks. I don't think I'm the type to eat chicken and greens for breakfast. Breakfast really is the hardest meal. Not only do I not want to eat in the morning, there aren't many compliant foods that are healthy and get your protein going.

Ate:

• Spinach and eggs. Key Lime Larabar. I might need to learn how to make my own Larabars, or buy them in bulk. I try not to have one every day.
• EarthFare salad bar with spinach, oranges, strawberries, chicken + my own dressing with a few steamed veggies (and a $2 off coupon!)
• Some roasted cashews (compliant!!!)
• STEAK. I admit it. I love some beef. Jerod grilled rib-eyes. And some squash and peppers. Gosh, steak is yummy. I probably ate a little too much of it.

Impressions:

My last three days on whole 30 will be on a retreat. The good thing is, our meals are provided by an on-site cafeteria, and they're willing to work with dietary needs. I HATE being "that person" who has a list of issues. But, I will need a source of protein and vegetables that aren't soaked in butter. There aren't fridges in the room (though they offered me one--how nice!), so I'm stocking up on some fruit and nuts and Larabars for snacks. I'm fairly sure they have a salad bar, so I'll bring my own dressing. Should be interesting, to say the least. There's really nowhere to eat out that's 100% compliant and tasty. Every salad dressing served in public has soybean oil and sugar in it. And you really aren't talking to nutritionists when you ask servers and cashiers what's in the food. Most of them just shrug when you ask about gluten (what's that?) or soy. Lots of places have online allergens listed, and gluten, soy and dairy are generally listed. But there's really no way to know if stuff has sugar in it. Meats are glazed in it, MSG isn't always listed, and a whole host of other preservatives and chemicals. Not that I'll never eat out again, by any stretch; but this has been eye-opening in the sense of how much "cleaner" I can eat at home. That said, the move away from convenience foods is also a major challenge. I have no idea what's for dinner tomorrow night. We have salad, asparagus, and some ground beef on deck. What in the world sounds good with those components? I constantly have to think ahead to make sure I can stay on track. Hopefully, once we get a decent rotation of meals, I can look more toward planning out menus. Still not very good at that. SIX MORE DAYS!!!!

Days 21-23 (Friday-Sunday)

Who has time to write about food on the weekends? Particularly when it takes you an hour to make a simple dinner? I'm a 30-minute meal kind of gal. That's why I love a good casserole or something you can zip together and let the oven do the rest...I'm going to have to get used to prepping ahead or waiting longer to eat. There is no "fast" food. Yes, I said that last week, too. That's my current hurdle. Real food takes time to prep and cook.

I honestly can't remember everything I ate on Friday. It was all compliant.  :)

Ate/Saturday:

• Spinach eggs 
• Grilled and sauteed veggies a la tacos (no tortillas): zucchini, onions, red peppers, squash--with salsa and guacamole. One leftover meatloaf "muffin"
• Banana and almonds
• Pot roast, 1/2 sweet potato, spinach salad with dried berries; homemade bordeaux dressing (no sugar)

Ate/Sunday:

• Almonds and banana (in the car)
• Panera Fuji apple salad with chicken, tomatoes (took off sugared dried apples and cut up a fresh one on it) and my own dressing
• Almonds
• Tapioca and coconut flour-breaded baked chicken tenders, cauliflower "mashed fauxtatoes," and green beans
• Very hungry late, so I ate about 1/2 c. of pot roast

Impressions:

Almost to the finish line! Just about another week to go. Thinking about how to stay on plan next weekend while I'm away. Also thinking about cheddar cheese and coffee creamer. Will have those two things at the ready next Monday morning. Fingers crossed my body is ok with a little dairy. I don't need to go dairy-crazy, but the thought of ZERO dairy makes me beyond sad. I still can't believe I've gone 23 whole days without sugar, wheat, dairy or soy. I ate fast food once at chick-fil-A, but it was pretty much just chicken and salad with my own dressing. I thought I couldn't do that many days without chocolate. The cravings have pretty much subsided, and I'm interested to get into the reintroduction to see how my body responds. Would love to find a good option for tortillas. The veggie "tacos" tasted fantastic, but it would have been nice to wrap them all up in something for eating. I'm sure there are some recipes out there...

Day TWENTY. (Thursday)

Yes, I typed that 20 in all caps. 'Cause I'm 2/3 done to the done. However, I'm doing lots of thinking about how I will never really be DONE if I'm pursuing long-term health. I'm gathering recipes and doing a lot of thinking about how my eating life should never look like it did 21 days ago. I will definitely be adding something back to the coffee, even if it's just a little agave juice or something to the coconut milk. Starting each day with old ashtray taste just isn't pleasant. And it's just one cup.

Ate:

• By Thursdays each week, I seem really done with eggs. Particularly when I'm out of spinach. Tried turkey and eggs with some salsa. Not my favorite moment.
• Banana and almonds
• Leftover fajita chicken and peppers with guacamole and grapes
• Cashew larabar (oh my. So yummy)
• Dinner was very good. Made a paleo meatloaf (muffin-size) with a half crock-pot sweet potato  and fresh green beans. Looking forward to my leftovers already. Had to buy a few things to make it, but it's stuff I can use in the future like coconut flour and tapioca flour.

Impressions:

Even though the Whole 30 people say NOT to weigh yourself, I mean...really? I understand it's not about weight loss; it's about health. But be hanged if I'm not eating a morsel of sugar, bread, corn, etc. for a month and not seeing if it's helping my poundage! So, I've lost 8.5 pounds in 20 days. I'm searching for ways to keep my activity levels up as well. I have done a LOT of walking in the last 10 days or so, some on purpose and some just due to work. My next goal is to get 10-20 minutes of some push ups and pilates-style strength work on the floor at some point during the day to get my core firmer and stronger. I can't think about where to fit in cardio just yet.

I'm thinking a lot about God's creation in the midst of all this. How he put so many wonderful things on the earth to nourish us. How plants are full of everything we really need to sustain us and keep us healthy. So much of the food science and food creations we have pale in comparison to what He made for us. I'm really in love with this idea of eating things that don't have long, scary lists of ingredients, made by companies who profit on our sickness and cravings. And for real, I'm not that girl who is big on conspiracy theories and hippie food. I'm a regular person on a quest to live better.

Surprises:

Bummed that just this week, my LEFT hand started to ache as my right hand does. Both hands now have some symptoms of inflammation. Not cool, hands. Not cool. Not sure what might have started it, but perhaps all the hauling of stuff I had to do on Friday and Monday for work. I realize it might take a while to get my inflammation calmed down, so I will wait. And not go crazy on October 7 (day 31). Retraining the brain to think of food as medicine and not just as pleasure is no easy task.

Days Eighteen & Nineteen (Tuesday/Wednesday)

Trying to keep record of each day is like trying to pin down a housefly. The darn things just move so fast!  It is interesting to see what my eating triggers are...not that I'm surprised by any of them, but just interesting to see what my brain is doing in the midst of this.

I am highly motivated at lunchtime by food that is already prepared. I don't want to do much more than toss a salad or reheat in the microwave on my lunch break. Pre-prepared food is a little tough on this program, since I am the original preparer of most of it. We generally survive the mid-week madness with the help of some of our tried and true "heat and eats" (as my friends Carmen and Jonathan call them). A heat and eat would be something like a bag of prepared chicken bites with orange sauce that we just have to make a quick fried rice and broccoli to accompany. The whole thing takes less than 30 minutes. Since little man comes home from school ready to eat every carb he sees, 30-minute meals are ideal. This program is a LOT more intensive in the food prep and purchasing department. I have to drop by a grocery store at least every 3-4 days to keep my produce up and running. You can't bulk-buy bananas to last you two weeks! In addition to the chef I've hired in my head, I now am considering a personal produce shopper (not really. but kind of.). All of this seems to be the reason for my fast-food lunches. I'm hungry. Someone else cooked it. Boom. Done. No thinking. I have to focus on making my own "fast food" in the sense of always making enough dinner for leftovers or cooking extra on the weekends. If I have something good available, I won't transgress in a drive-thru line.

Ate/Tuesday:

• Salsa eggs. I'm out of spinach. I need to get some spinach.
• Tuesday I gobbled up the last of my chicken salad with a green salad while trying to prep dinner (on lunch break).
• Well, once again, we realized why Husband cooks more often. My cilantro-lime baked chicken was a little heavy on the lime (tangy!). With broccoli and wilted greens with a slice of bacon. The good news is, Little Man wasn't a fan of the chicken, but ate about a cup of broccoli. This would have been ever so much better with some rice to temper the strong flavors.

My breakfast is going...cooking the eggs every day.

Ate/Wednesday:

• Pepper and onion eggs. I still need some spinach. Those are the best. And some baked bacon. So much less greasy and crispier. (or is that "crisper?" I don't know.)
• Cherry Larabar since the eggs disappeared around 11 am.
• Exhibit "A" on why I need to make my own fast food. So hungry after a full morning of campus touring. Ended up with an apple-walnut salad and a quick grilled burger with dijon. I don't care for hamburgers unless there's a bun involved. Not my fave texture.
• Pistachios and a banana while waiting for dinner. I am totes hungry by dinner time.
• Dinner was all about redeeming that lime-tastic chicken. We made fajitas with the rest of it and added peppers and onions with a side of salsa and guacamole. Much, much better on Wednesday.
  

  

  Fajitas are a KEEPER. Husband's tortillas looked GOOD.

Impressions: 

The magical deep sleep that many people report on whole 30 has not really happened to me. I think I just need more overall. Food will not help or hinder that. Feeling a little sluggish just from life. Looking up recipes all the time, but hopefully will get more in my recipe arsenal so this isn't hard forever.

Surprises:

I don't think I'm really craving things in the true sense of craving. The guys made a pizza the other night, and while I definitely wanted some, I didn't feel desperate to have some. I'm going with progress on that front. Also, good cashews are crazy expensive. You'd think they were surrounded by some sort of poison in the giant pod...oh, wait.

Day Seventeen. (Monday)

Did you enjoy yesterday's Bon Jovi sing along? 'Cause I did. Today, I kind of feel like playing some "Rocky" theme song. I am kickin' this whole 30 thing in the TEETH. Boo ya. And stuff. Still trying to reconcile the fact that I know in my knower that I feel much better. It doesn't seem to take me until 10 am to wake up mentally. But the rub lies in the fact that in my food-craver, I still dream about October 10th, when I am able to eat a slice of pizza. Yes, the date is marked on the calendar. Me and Papa John or somebody are going to have a party. And I'm guessing that after 34 or so days with no wheat, it might make me sick. And then I get sad. Roller coaster. I probably shouldn't be obsessing about what I can have on October 10. I should probably get thinking about what we're having for dinner, say...tonight, since I have no plan for that. EarthFare is running specials on all kinds of food I don't like lately, like kombucha and lobster tails. What up, EarthFare? How about some pastured beef? Hmmm? Help a sister out.

So yeah. My meal-planner seems to be broken. I need to call out a repairman. The problem with meal planning isn't so much the planning as the execution. I mean, I have to go to a store on my lunch break, hunt for things, and then make food. My success rate on new things is pretty low, so I am usually disappointed. Also, we are usually famished by the time the meal is ready. And Shepard is full of pretzels, because he just can't wait. Bless him. Clearly, the solution here is to hire a chef.

Ate:

• Some eggs. With spinach and green onions. And some grapes. One day I'll branch out, but these are fairly fast and easy.
• CHICKEN SALAD (recipe)! This is a recipe I've been making for years, and all I had to do was make some mayo so it would work. Ate it with a green salad. Do note, this chicken salad is good when you make it, but the magical curry morphs it overnight into a thing of beauty.
• Had a banana and almonds, because I can barely make it to 6 pm without some true hunger.
• Leftover spaghetti squash and marinara/meat sauce. (While husband and little man had pizza! The smell.)

Impressions:

This whole thing is supposed to break food addictions. Even though I wouldn't classify my food thoughts as true cravings, I do think a lot about sharp cheddar and other no-no's. I don't think there's a magic button that will turn that off. I don't lunge at cupcakes, but then, I never have. I am not allowed to get near potato chips (maybe ever), and I really really want some chips and salsa. So, I'm not sure if it's working on my brain. I just have to keep telling myself that after this, I can maintain about an 85-90% paleo eating plan and have one day when I eat some things I miss. Keeping it in a one-day limit should set some firm boundaries for me. And still, need to have my pizza with a large side salad. Also, need to find a portable salad dressing container, 'cause I am not eating commercial salad dressing. (and as soon as I write that, I think longingly of really good blue cheese dressing...sigh)

Surprises:
There was homemade pumpkin dip with graham crackers and 'nilla wafers at small group tonight. And I had water. Cue Rocky theme.

(Days 14-16) Ooooooh. We're halfway there.....oooooooh....

....livin' on a prayer....take my hand and we'll make it I swear....ooooooh. Livin' on a prayer!!!

Y'all. Seriously. Halfway.

Clearly, I had precious little time to blog over the weekend. And clean, folded laundry is still stacked up on the sofa...and there's a crock pot that needs to be washed in the sink. But, that's life.

So, we're going to do a speedy-recap of the last three days. And......GO!

Ate:

Friday: eggs with spinach, banana, leftover chili; had to work, so I grabbed some sliced turkey and some pistachios...then ate zucchini with onions, butternut squash and more turkey for dinner at 8:30.

Saturday: eggs with spinach, bacon...went to Festival in the Park (which is basically an upscale FAIR with FAIR FOOD). Surrounded by funnel cakes, anything on a stick, hot dogs, pizza, Greek gyros...Lord, have mercy! Waited it out and swung by Chick-fil-A on the way home for a grilled chicken salad. Yes, their grilled chicken has some soy, but otherwise no other issues. Ate it at home with my own dressing and a few almonds. Dinner was spaghetti squash with marinara/meat sauce.

Sunday: my to-go breakfast in the car was sliced turkey, almonds and a banana. Not my finest hour. Then, Qdoba failed me at lunch. (not really their fault, I guess). The shredded beef was ok, but the salad was way too spicy and tasteless all at once. Salsa was very hot today. Could not really get much of the salad down. There's not much worse eating-wise than going to one of your favorite places and getting gross food.
Soo hungry. I think I ate a few grapes. Then had a Larabar to get myself to dinner. Dinner was finally a good meal, with grilled chicken, butternut squash, half a zucchini, half a red pepper, & half a yellow pepper. Thanks again, Chef-Husband.

Also the only meal I took a picture of...

Total yum after a day of total bum.

Impressions: Halfway feels really, really good. This is totally do-able. Provided I don't have major soy issues, this is even do-able long-term for the most part. The gist of it will be eating just meat and vegetables, cutting out vegetable oil, and eating protein for breakfast. I can live without a lot of things.

Surprises: Fairly surprised I've made it day 16 with little to no cheats. Coffee is my only stumbling block. But, I've cut back on the stuff I put in it by at least 95%, so I'm going with improvement in that category. No cheats anywhere else unless it was accidental. I tightened up some things this past week to improve over week one. I made my OWN MAYONNAISE, y'all. So, there's some delicious chicken salad in my future. Did I mention that I made my own mayonnaise? 'Cause that's a big deal. I'm not exactly the most adept person in the kitchen. It only took me two weeks to get all the ingredients together. But it's made.

Let's all sing together...ooooooooh we're halfway there!

Day Thirteen (Thursday)

....oh. Lucky 13. I decided to go ROGUE this morning. Due to last night's late protein ingestion, I did not wake up with a nice hunger as usual. Also, was able to take my time this morning on my way up and in to work. As with before whole 30, I just didn't really want to eat anything. I used to wait and really eat breakfast around 9:30 am. But, I knew I should have something. I thought I'd make a coconut milk smoothie. Repercussions listed below...

(that's my sneaky way of keeping you reading this shockingly good blog...see what I did there?)

Ate:

• Smoothie (not really a thumbs-up food on this plan): made of one can of coconut milk, strawberries, frozen blueberries, fresh spinach and a banana. Super-tasty.
• But dang it, if I wasn't REALLY HUNGRY about an hour and a half later...since there wasn't really any protein involved...so I swung by EarthFare on my way in and got some scrambled eggs and two pieces of bacon. 
• That held me. At lunch I experimented with some turkey pepperoni, dollops of spaghetti sauce (compliant) and topped with little pieces of spinach to replicate the feeling of pizza. I did cook them and follow a recipe...but that's not for me. Won't be doing that again, though the Amy's Organic spaghetti sauce was brilliant. Also had a romaine/iceberg mix salad with an apple on it.
• Dinner was a deeee-lightful chili made by Husband. Some butternut squash, zucchini, tomatoes, lean beef and seasonings. He just pulled some for me (lots for leftovers too) before adding in beans. Was very tasty, though I really missed crackers and cheese with it.

Impressions:

Oopsie on the smoothie. My @$$ has been dragging all day. I think the rush of sugar, particularly with no protein makes me feel like I used to feel 14 days ago. Groggy and foggy. NO GOOD. Will have the rest of my smoothie at some point, but just a few sips after a proper meal. All of this isn't just about what is technically compliant, but about how you eat and how it makes you feel. They were right.

Day Twelve. (Wednesday)

I feel as if I should name each day this week. We had "Manic Monday," and perhaps "Terrible Tuesday," so how about "Wacky Wednesday?" Another long work day. (9 am - 7 pm) And I had to attend an evening event in which there were platters of self-serve food, like brie, cheese tray and mini beef wellingtons (I mean...tender, savory beef wrapped in delicate pastry!?!?!?!?). And fruit. Thank you, fruit. I really, truly toyed with going all rogue and just eating a cube of cheese. But, I didn't. I knew if I ate a cube of cheese, the beef wellington would not be far behind. And day 12 is way way too far to go backward.

Ate:

• Doggone clafouti. It's gone finally. Tiniest bit of honey on top. And half a banana. And my usual coffee with special coconut "creamer." 
• Another whole banana at lunch with leftover POT ROAST. It has to be in all caps because it's the only way I can convey to you what my taste buds do when I EAT IT. POT ROAST! and broccoli. And some grapes.
• Had about 8 pistachios (my new cashew?) and ate a few pieces of pineapple and grapes at the reception. Starving by 7 pm. Warmed up last week's (frozen) vegetable soup and made a strawberry-spinach salad. Unfortunately, the soup was the bottom of the soup where all the veggie tidbits are. So, it was kind of nothing-soup. Just tidbits in broth. Which meant, I was ravenous by the time Shepard went to sleep, and led to a 9:45 pm grilling of a burger with lettuce and dijon mustard. I needed some protein. Sadly, late and not the best choice, but it's what I could come up with.

Impressions: 

The ubiquitous cheese tray at any given event is always a stumbling block for me. I don't even know how I managed to keep from surrender. Life moves fast. I need a good way to prep some chicken. I tried to buy a cooked rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, but of course it has some no-no ingredients. I think I will have to boil a bunch and ask the husband to trim it up for me. And maybe we'll grill a bit more this weekend. There are very few places I can buy approved chicken. Looking forward to making some compliant chicken salad this weekend. Everywhere I look for anything remotely "convenient," I find stuff that's not compliant. I have determined that I'm ok with a 96% compliancy rating for the duration. I don't live in a bubble where all I have is time to go to Whole Foods, spend three hours in the kitchen cooking, and getting optimal sleep. I have a three-year-old, a full-time job and a recently nutty work life...and I need some fun in there too. Doing what I can.

Day Eleven (Tuesday)

Pretty non-descript day in food terms. Work continues to be a firefighting exercise each day. Just curveballs coming from every corner. Hopefully a season, and I don't have to add "putting out fires that others start purposely" to my job description. :)

Coffee is still yucky, but I'm getting more used to it. Still want cheese. Have a social function tomorrow night, and am not looking forward to seeing a whole platter of cheesy cubes of deliciousness. Will eat fruit.

Ate:

• Breakfast caflouti again. Put about 1/8 tsp of honey on it. A cheat, but needed to make it edible. Also some delicious grapes.
• Banana for snack. Handful of almonds.
• Lunch was a spinach-kale omelet with two strips of bacon as I prepped dinner for the crock pot.
• Dinner was pot roast with broccoli. That was the best flippin' pot roast I may have ever had. Pot roast might be my new favorite. I will have to have pot roast in moderation. 

Impressions:

Broccoli might not be my BFF. I will probably keep eating it, though. Still no magic happening in my life, though I have noticed I don't have groggy fogs. My usual day consists of at least one moment when I think if I don't lie down and take a nap, I might DIE. Those usually happen around 2 pm or 7 ish pm. As in, I have been known to stick my head on my desk until it passes. It's not just a little sleepy, it's full-on coma-feeling. So, that's been a nice change. I feel much steadier throughout the day energy-wise. Not a ton of energy, but no dips. So maybe that's magic in itself.

Surprises:

The red grapes I ate were unreal. Just so tasty. No photos today. I hope that does not make you very sad. 

Day Ten ("Manic" Monday)

Day 10! Or 1/3 of the way through. Obviously if you read my earlier post today, I'm working through a few things. The good news is, I haven't fallen off the wagon. Just had a cuss-worthy morning at work and spotted my anger at that situation as an emotional-eating trigger for sure. Then I got mad at myself for wanting to fix issues with food. Isn't this all a fun roller-coaster?

Looked and smelled amazing. So much for taste.

Ate:

• made a blueberry breakfast clafouti. Meh. It actually really needed sugar to be a real thing. Looked up other clafouti recipes. Yep. Heavy cream and sugar. Sometimes, it's just better to eat something regular instead of trying to make something awesome work. At least it smelled really good.
• the clafouti didn't last very long. Half a banana...then truly hungry by lunch. Just wanted tortilla chips and fresh salsa. Went for some bacon on leftover burger and a huge spinach salad with apples and walnuts. Bacon was totally comfort food today. Toyed with eating some chips. Ate three sweet potato chips and decided I didn't need them. 

Lunch. It's not mashed potatoes with gravy. Kind of sad.

Dinner.



• Tried a new pork chop recipe for dinner. I don't really eat pork chops if I can help it, but saw some center cut pork loin on sale and thought I'd branch out. It was ok. Just ate half of one. Surprised the little one liked it so well! Had with green beans and another salad and some mandarin oranges. Very proud of the little one who ate everything we ate, plus asked for salad when he saw Mommy's! He'll eat salad every now and again. Hoping to get that in regular rotation for him too.

Impressions: 

Too many to think about now. Moving on. I've come too far to turn back now.

Surprises: 

Discovered my beloved cashews might have some peanut oil involved. Not starting over, but can't eat them anymore. Going hunting for "good" cashews later.

When the going gets tough...

...the tough eat spinach.

An emotional response to this whole 30 thing.

One can't underestimate the emotional hold of eating. Perhaps it doesn't affect you. I doubt it. At least an alcoholic or drug addict has the tiniest ray of hope that they can eradicate the offending substance from their lives and move into the land of healthy. I don't have that hope. I have to eat. I have to face food at least three times a day and make choices it about all in between. Of course, I'm hyper-focused right now, but if I don't hyper-focus, then I end up at Cookout for a burger and fries. If I pretend it's not there, I eat what makes me happy. If I hyper-focus though, I have to DEAL with what comes up.

I'm a little manic today. My much-hoped-for blueberry breakfast was less than stellar. I've been planning it since Friday, and just today had the chance to make it. And now, I will eat it for the next three days because I made it, it's suitable, and I don't want to waste.
I'm grieving. Seriously, grieving. I lived in the first step: denial and isolation for many years. In denial that my situation is something I can control...even if I kinda believe it in my head, my actions don't show it. Isolation is in my head, but something I struggle with every day. Feeling not good enough, not pretty enough, not anything enough and all because I can't seem to control what I put in my mouth. While all around, the super-fit and disciplined seem to have it all together.

Anger and bargaining almost go hand in hand right now. I'm angry that I have to care about all this. I'm angry that my body is mad at me. I'm angry that I can't be a tiny, healthy person without trying. And angry at myself that it's this hard. And bargaining...maybe if I just add a salad to every meal? What if I just drink veggie-fruit smoothies most of the time? I tell myself it's too much to think about. Everything I read tells me something different. Acrylamides are going to kill me. Gluten is wreaking havoc on my blood sugar and intestines. Dairy causes bloating and is only best for baby cows. Brussel sprouts forever! So I bargain, if you can't sort out what is good for you and not good for you, eat what makes you happy, right? Would I trade a year of life for potato chips? When you put it that way, it sounds terrible. Then you have to factor in quality of life. Medication, chronic pain...which leads us to our fourth step of grieving....depression.

(are we having fun yet?) Depression in non-food terms is the feeling of being overwhelmed, sometimes to the point of emotional paralysis. As if ocean waves just keep coming at you and you are unable to get up and get down the beach. You just sit there and let them roll over you, hoping you don't drown and hoping someone notices you and helps.

And I'm back to the I HATE FOOD. I HATE IT. I HATE THINKING ABOUT IT. I HATE HOPING FOR DIFFERENT RESULTS. I HATE BEING FAT. I HATE COMPARING MYSELF TO HEALTHY PEOPLE. I HATE FOOD.

I hate that it is so polarizing. I hate that some pizza really does make me feel better. What's so wrong about that? Everything, say the experts. We shouldn't let food control us emotionally. Of course not. But it does. When do you ever get the acceptance point? When will I not want to eat a turkey sub and eggplant parmesan? I cannot imagine that day.

So, today. I'm mad at food. I'm mad at food marketers, like those low-fat yogurt people who make you think they're making health food. I'm mad at Italian people for everything they've ever made except salami. I'm really mad at Mexican people who gave us chips and salsa with cheese dip. I'm mad at fast food for being fast and accessible and finger-lickin' good. I'm mad at America for being so rich that we can jack with our food sources, strip the nutrition out of everything and sell it for profit. I'm mad. I'm mad that I want to eat junk.

Clearly, I have some work to do. But, after reading lots of varying opinions about this eating plan and that eating plan this morning, I'm just overwhelmed.

What I know: eliminating sugar and processed foods from my diet is good. Yes and amen.
What I'm trying to know: does my body like dairy and grain? Or can I live without it?
What I don't want to know: that I can never eat pizza again because it will make me sick.
What I also know: fruits and vegetables are healthy. I need them. This plan is helping me with that.
What I don't have to know now: On October 17 (roughly the end of 40 days), I can make new decisions based on the information I glean. Hopefully, with less emotional dependency on food. I don't have to decide TODAY how I will eat FOREVER. Baby steps.

Whew. OK. Just writing that all out makes me feel less manic. For lunch, I was really, really hungry. I drove home, knowing that there are TWELVE fast-food restaurants in the four miles between my work and home. There was no one to see me "do it." I could eat whatever I wanted and satisfy my wild cravings. But that is just like any other day in my life, right? I always have the choice. I might have made two slices of bacon to go with my giant spinach, apple, walnut salad. And the bacon was emotional today. But I didn't bust out the tortilla chips to have with Jerod's fresh salsa (oh the agony) or eat any of the salt and pepper potato chips in the pantry (it would have been ALL, let's face it). I didn't because I'm taking baby steps. That's all I can do. So, I'm still on plan. I'm less sane. But on plan.

Day Nine. (Sunday)

There's just not much wrong with any kind of Sunday. The chance to worship, rest, and otherwise unwind is always good for me. But then, the Panthers lost with :02 left in the game. What!?! Oh well.

Ate:

• I had to pack an on-the-go breakfast of shaved turkey, cashews and banana for the road.
• We tried Showmars for lunch, as I didn't feel I could face Qdoba today. I had a green romaine and iceberg lettuce salad with grilled chicken and tomatoes. And their Greek vinaigrette. I should have brought my own dressing. The cook there said there was a little sugar in it to cut the vinegar. Honestly, it's so tangy there can't be much. The chicken is also pretty basic. I don't think there was much in the way of "bad" ingredients. Next time will bring my vinaigrette. You'd think a Greek restaurant would have just plain oil and vinegar!? That's an entirely Greek thing.
• After some pretty bland food thus far today, I wanted some flavor, so I pulled out my new GHEE (clarified butter) and sauteed some apples with cinnamon. They were ok. They smelled AWESOME. Just wanted to pretend I was having a treat.
• Dinner was prime rib burgers with a spinach salad and some sweet potatoes. Still want cheese on that joker.

 Impressions:

I may never get over my desire for macaroni and cheese. After all this, it might have to be a "sometimes" food. Had a great conversation with another "paleo" mom at church, who was very encouraging. She saw a whole30 post on FB and came to give me a big hug and encouragement and share some tips and secrets. She is doing this with her whole family, which is an ultimate goal for us. For everyone to be at least in the eating about 80% fruits and veggies, whole foods, and FAR FAR less sugar and processed food. I don't think we'll ever be 100% strict, but I know that this is a do-able thing generally.

Had an epiphany at the grocery store on Friday. I remember my doctor once telling me that to eat better, I should do the majority of my shopping around the edges of the grocery store. I remembered thinking, "but what about my cereal and stuff?" I realized on Friday that of my list of 20 things, all but one came from the edges of the store (mustard--totes ok). Lots of produce, some good meat, good eggs, etc.
000

Day Eight. (Saturday)

It was a glorious Saturday, straight from heaven. Light breeze. Sunny. 75 degrees. And kind of cool in the shade. I was made for days like these, particularly when they fall on Saturdays. I was pretty desperate to get outside for some weeks now, so we all headed down to our area state park by the river. Picnic, playground and a hike was just what the doctor ordered...even if I did have to carry my 35-lb. child the better part of the way back. A good reminder as to the amount of extra weight I literally carry every day. Of course, when it's all contained in a squirmy back-package it's a little different. But, my extra adipose doesn't tell me I'm pretty. So there's that.

Ate:

• Bacon and egg/kale/spinach/green onion omelet. Coffee with tiniest splash of flavored creamer. Y'all, I cannot do black coffee. It makes me feel like Hulk, when he gets all green and mean. Going to continue with the coconut stuff I made, but I needed a moment today that felt less mean and green.
• Our picnic was some shaved turkey and tomato in a lettuce wrap, cashews and a banana and some grapes. The boys had sandwiches. With bread. That wasn't all that tempting. Whole wheat bread is really something I can live without.
• I said something to Shepard about ice cream. Dang. Then I wanted ice cream for two hours. I don't think it's the sweet as much as the cream. I took Shepard by for a Chick-fil-A dinner, and the cashier asked if I'd like the new mocha chocolate chip milkshake. JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL!!! "Yes, " I answered, "but I'm not going to order it." Empowered or crazy? I ate a banana "bread" Larabar (just dates, banana and walnuts)
• A handful of cashews tided me over, as I was a busy bee trying to get some housework done while the littlest hiker took a nap.
• Dinner was leftover grilled chicken (go chef Jerod!!) and spinach salad with apples, walnuts and a quick homemade (apple cider) vinaigrette. Was still hungry after dinner, but didn't get a chance to eat any more.

We did a fire pit, and I made a s'more for Shepard. Kid did not eat it. I'm telling him it's a chocolate sandwich with a roasted marshmallow, and he hands it back to me. Kids these days. smh

My pic-a-nickers.

Impressions: 

I didn't really care much about eating today since the weather was so nice. And that was nice. Just ate things that were on my good list and dreamed a little bit about ice cream--which is weird since I really don't eat much ice cream anyway. Did want something for my afternoon snack of the potato chip or french fry variety. I realize those are sugar. But they are SALTY sugar, and my favorite kind. Darn tubers.

Surprises:

Still not feeling anything "magical." Was hoping for the deep, deep sleep that some folks report. I am more restless. Had crazy crazy dreams all night Friday night. Maybe coconut aminos (instead of soy sauce) mess with your head. Overall, I know this is better food, so magic or not...I keep at it.

Day Seven (Friday)

I heart Friday. I mean, who doesn't? And the lower humidity put a spring in my step...until I remembered I couldn't have my awesome version of unhealthy coffee (full of hot cocoa and flavored creamer). Made some constant comment tea (sooo yummy), but again without a spot of honey...hard to get down. Regis (the dog) was willing to give it a try when I turned my back for 2 seconds. He totally lapped up my tea! So, even if I'd wanted to finish it, I couldn't.

So, blurging around the office this morning with one eyelid open. This part makes me feel like the guy in Men In Black wandering around saying "SUGAR! SUGAR!"

This is my snack-box. I know if I get hungry, and don't have anything available, I will crash and burn.

Ate:

• Oh goodness. The eggs again. I tried to make some pancetta. It burned in some places and was uncooked in others. So, I zapped it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Yikes. I made bacon bits. Tried to make an omelet with bacon bits and spinach. Overkilled the paprika. Ate half of it and quit. Had with natural applesauce. (and mentally, with cheese, but whatevs)
• Cashews to get me through morning. I probably need to lay off the cashews. But it really was only about three handfuls.
• Ate a banana on the way to the grocery store on lunch break. That darned fresh pizza in the deli area! Ran home and fixed three lettuce wraps with mustard, turkey (2), roast beef (1) and fresh tomato and a squish of guacamole. Not nearly as good as a real sub. Just sayin'. Ate some strawberries.
• Dinner is finally some chicken and broccoli*. And sweet potatoes. And zucchini, squash and onions. Holla.

Will probably not do these in coconut oil again.

Long live Chef Jerod. Whole 30-approved grilled chicken! Fan-freakin'-tastic.

Impressions: Coffee makes me a better human.

Surprises:
Passed the Krispy Kreme store without driving through (not that I usually do, but my crave-ometer didn't ramp up to the point of turning). No real cheats so far. Seven days. I thought I might be maniacally grabbing for bread products.

*In an odd twist of life, one of the things Jerod said to me upon my taking on this whole 30 thing was "As long as we don't eat chicken and broccoli and green beans every night..." I am flummoxed and somewhat proud to announce, as of day SEVEN, I haven't had a bit of any of those things. What the what?! I don't fix chicken very well. It totally skeeves me out in its uncooked state. And we haven't had enough time to prep and cook it this week.

Day Six. (Thursday)

Another whirlwind day. I'm hopeful that work calms down a bit starting tomorrow to a manageable pace. This week has not been manageable. I'm grinding my teeth at night and restless. I need some deep breaths. Wonder if I have a yoga DVD?


Ate:

• Used leftover steak and peppers with my eggs. That made it much more edible and gave me a break from bacon. Also had a plum. I'm weary of eggs. But I tried to track down an approved smoothie this morning, and it proved fruitless. FRUITLESS, I say. Apparently, grinding up scads of fruit (and spinach and kale!) doesn't fit into eating the whole foods...whole. Tomorrow's task is finding breakfast options.
• Lunch was another day of spaghetti squash spaghetti. It's all gone now. I feel sure I ate some grapes and cashews too. I basically carry a snack bag filled with nuts and fruit.
• Had to do a quick turn-around on dinner so we could make it to Shepard's open house and school and ICE CREAM SOCIAL. Yay! Had a burger with a strip of bacon, spinach and neighbor-fresh-tomato (!) with a dash of Grey Poupon (that I discovered later has sugar, so no more of that) and some sauteed zucchini.

Impressions:
I really wanted to throw in the towel today and eat some cheese. Just be done with it all. I was still tired and feeling cranky that I even need to do this whole thing. Darn it. But I just kept doing it.
I also threw a dash of sugar in my coffee this morning. It didn't help, so I won't do it again. I think I might have to give up coffee. Without sugar and creamer, I'd just as soon drink motor oil. Might try tea.

Six down. 24 to go.

Day Five. (Wednesday)

I'm not 100% sure what day it is. All I know is that I wanted to go back to bed pretty much every minute of today. I prayed that Shepard would be extra-sleepy and want to go to bed at 8, because I did. He didn't. Yawn.

In the good news arena, getting up an hour earlier in general helps me to get ready for the day. I can cook breakfast and sit and eat it (what is that?), start some laundry, wipe down a counter, etc. In the bad news arena, there aren't enough hours in the day. But that really has nothing to do with my food, does it?

Impressions: I didn't have time to crave anything today. Except subs. I want a giant sub like NOW. In some ways, this program is almost a 40-day program, in that on day 31, you don't just go crazy. That misses the point. On day 31, you add in some dairy and see how you feel. On about day 34, you add in some gluten, on day 37, you add in other grains--corn and rice; and on day 40, you add in legumes (soy, peanuts, beans). So, I have to look at this longer-term. I really do want to get to the bottom of some health issues.
I'm not getting the magical deep sleep yet. I'm supposed to turn a corner around day 8.

Breakfast on a blue plate.

Ate:

• Bacon with eggs & spinach and kale--paprika. These were sooo much better than the day before. Strawberries. Put it on a blue plate to feel a bit more peppy about the colors. You do what you have to do.
• Popped a few grapes when I got to work.
• Lunch was leftover spaghetti squash "spaghetti."
• Was really, really hungry by dinner time. When we both got home, it was about 5:45, so the grilling chicken plan went out the window, and we did a lean steak with peppers and onions and a big salad. I just could not wait an hour on the chicken and sweet potato situation. Cashews tided me over. It was all I could do NOT to reach into the bag of kettle chips on the counter. Just keep walking, just keep walking. We'll do chicken, sweet potatoes and broccoli Friday night. It will be like Friday night take-out, only...not.

 Surprises: Tired. But probably not because of my food. Wanted an uptick in energy. Will have to figure out a way to get more exercise. Am parking far away from everything and trying to move more, but unless I exercise at 10 pm, not sure when that's happening.

 

Not my best cooking moment, but it got the job done.

Day Four (Tuesday)

or..."why are my teeth fuzzy?" day. Seriously. I brush them. Why do they feel fuzzier? Do sugar and carbs keep them squeaky? Things we'll never know.

Today was just nose to the grindstone day. It's a super-busy week at work, so it's good that I don't have time to sit and daydream about food. And it's nice to enjoy leftovers without worrying so much about what to eat. Believe it or not. Yesterday, I just went home for lunch, heated up my veggie soup and ate it. No thinking. I like food with no thinking. Anything I can cross off the list with no thinking is a win in my world. And I put the rest of it in the freezer for another no thinking lunch.

Impressions:
I'm definitely already feeling better in the sense of not having sugar highs and lows throughout the day. I mean, I'm not skipping through the meadows of flowers or anything, but can tell a difference in a few days.

"Christmas" eggs. Sound better than they tasted.

Ate:

• Bacon & eggs with green peppers, tomatoes and onions and some grapes
• Vegetable soup, a few slices of turkey and some cashews
• Natural applesauce
• Spaghetti squash with meat sauce and added green peppers, onions, carrots to approved Del Grosso marinara. Made a double batch and froze half to eat next week.
• Was so hungry at 9:30 that I had a handful of cashews and a banana.
• All I'm drinking is water and my morning coffee with the coconut milk "creamer" I made.

Spaghetti squash. Cooked in crock pot as is for four hours. Perfecto. Just looks funny.

Food thoughts: I definitely prefer my spinach/kale eggs over green pepper eggs. No flavor in those, even though I sauteed everything in the bacon pan.
I could probably eat spaghetti squash as my pasta long-term. Particularly if I could toss a little grated parmesan on there (after this, if I'm not lactose-intolerant). Jerod liked it too, but the boys had just whole grain pasta with their spaghetti. I didn't miss the garlic bread. A good complete meal that will give me leftovers.

"Spaghetti!!"

Day Three. (Monday)

Was tired and cranky, but I can probably attribute that to the work schedule and the heat. And that fact that at least one smallish critter in our house never seems to be able to get through the whole night without waking us up.

Ate:

• I fried actual bacon for breakfast. Y'all that junk is good. I haven't been a bacon eater for probably 15 years or so. Made eggs with lots of spinach and green onions. Also tasty. And half a banana.
• Snacked on cashews before lunch.
• Lunch was leftover vegetable soup. Wanted crackers sooo bad.
• Dinner was in two parts...before event had leftover half burger and a cup of butternut squash. After event chowed down on a spinach leaf-apple-walnut-carrot salad with a homemade vinaigrette. And a few thin slices of turkey on the side.

Impressions:
This is the week that cravings are supposed to be the worst. What I'm realizing is how often I think of food or reach for food without thinking. I'm having to stop myself all the time. That's good. Just to see my relationship with food. I still want pizza. Need to get another helping of fruit in.

Surprises: how easy it is to whip up a sugar-free vinaigrette! Tonight's had red wine vinegar (which I realized is on the border of can-have vinegars--oops), olive oil, italian seasoning, dried mustard, salt and pepper. And LOTS of garlic. Perhaps too much. I brushed my teeth twice. But it was really good. I actually scarfed down my salad and found it satisfying. That has happened maybe never.

Cooked a spaghetti squash for day four dinner. You should see it. I'll post a picture. It looks like a deflated football!  :)

I can do anything for 30 days. I can do anything for 30 days. I can do anything for 30 days.

Day Two. (Sunday)

Covered under grace, I think.  ;)

AAHHHHH! I took communion without even thinking! The whole 30 "people" are adamant that not a morsel or nano-particle of any grain goes into your body. But I think God'll let me slide with a tiny piece of gluten-free bread dipped in grape juice. Yes?

But that was my day. Almost mindlessly reaching for things that I usually eat.

In a rush and hard to gulp breakfast down...but I did it. My coffee was MUCH better. Not at all sweet, which is frankly just sad; but at least I could get it down. Had more of my pancetta-egg-kale-onion muffins and mandarin oranges.

We braved Qdoba for lunch, and I was able to have lettuce, shredded beef, salsa and guacamole. (only their shredded beef and pork are soy-free) It was ok. Lots of good flavors, but I missed the chips. I was still hungry an hour later (truly, I think) and ate the rest of the oranges. That seemed to do it. I think it was all those stupid pizza commercials on during the Panthers game. I could practically SMELL it.

I had to work all afternoon, so I packed a banana and cashews. It was one of those events where it was fine for me to sample some things and fix a plate, and I came within seconds of downing some kettle corn. I settled for a grilled burger with lots of lettuce, tomato and some grilled vegetables. I totally wanted to hit those brownie bites. And caramel apples. UGH!

Today was more of a struggle, as I was surrounded with food this evening, and I had a bit of a social thing where I felt a little sad to pass on the freshly-baked burger buns and cheese.

There are no pictures of food today. This chick is tired, and I work again tomorrow night. I should be able to swing by home and eat something here though. Nothing for me on the job tomorrow except a very long day. Packing snacks and sticking to it.

Impressions: pass the pizza, please. Yesterday, I thought a relatively pizza-free existence might be possible. Today, not as much. Supposedly, the next three-four days are the worst of it; then your body hits some sort of happy place.

Night night!

Day One. (Saturday)

...or "what the frack do I do for coffee" day?

I'll be honest. My version of coffee barely resembles coffee by the time I put hot cocoa mix and flavored creamer in it. I'm beholden to the cup of caffeine in the morning, however, whether you judge my flavoring choices or not.

I tried it black. Someone else doing the whole 30 said it tasted like licking the bottom of an ash tray. Yes and yes. I tried a little coconut milk, but since it was unsweetened and thin, not helping. So today, I did the smallest splash of flavored creamer. I can't be having a headache on top of it all. And, I figured it was the first thing of the day. My body doesn't know yet that I'm about to deprive it of all sugar for a month. And maybe I'll go an extra half-day. That got me on the internet searching for coffee-help. So, I made THIS coconut-milk-based "creamer" this evening and will report back what happens tomorrow. Basically, I hate anything remotely bitter, so I'm hoping the creaminess and vanilla extract will get some coffee down my gullet.

EarthFare stock-up. Well, some of it. And, pay no attention to the dog treats. I'm not having those.

Impressions: easy to start on a Saturday with no other obligations as I didn't feel pressured or rushed...and could solve snafus like coffee.

Surprised by: how gross coffee is in its natural state. Also, sweet potato fries in the grocery store are NOT just sweet potatoes cut up and frozen. All kinds of stuff added to them. Bummer. I was hoping those might be an easy side item to help me over the whole no french fries thing. I know I can make my own...but I did that one time and it took over two hours of cutting and cooking.

Breakfast. Made some extra to eat for the next few days.

Ate: 

• egg muffins with kale & green onion with pancetta
• vegetable soup
• strawberries and bananas
• grilled burger with 2 slices fresh tomato & mustard and roasted butternut squash
• snacked on cashews and approved sliced-turkey (with no sugar or additives) while cooking

The vegetable soup was kind of difficult. Jerod is a champion soup-maker, and we had LOTS of fresh veggies to put in...even some homegrown tomatoes from the neighbor. However, what we realized is that the flavors we're used to are all the dashes of "this and that" that he puts in...beer, worchestershire sauce/steak sauce/sriracha sauce, etc. It all has sugar. It was astonishing to eat the soup and TASTE the veggies. It did take me a good bit longer to get the whole bowl down, I won't lie. But, I did it. And we are going to find some more approved flavoring and additions to "beef" it up a little.

I roasted the butternut squash in coconut oil. I hate coconut as a general rule. It always tastes and smells like suntan lotion. But, with the squash, it wasn't too strong. I'm hopeful. 

Today I struggled with coffee and the strong desire to eat cheese. Delicious cheese. But overall, a good day. I haven't felt famished or deprived. And I feel really blessed to be able to go into a well-stocked grocery store and buy wholesome foods. And...the BEST spaghetti sauce ever was $2 off/jar at Harris Teeter. I might have bought five. It's amazingly delicious and doesn't have anything like soy, dairy, grain or sugar in it. Score. Also purchased a spaghetti squash to try it with this week!

Vegetable soup, please! At least six different veggies in here. And some grass-fed beef.